A Writer’s Paris.

Comfort in your Strangeness (Cynthia Alexander)

Comfort in Your strangeness
Of moving shadows when I call the wind by name
rushing Firewater in the dark of a cloud
I have seen
I have been
to places far and deep in my mind only to find
Comfort in Your strangeness
we are slaves to the crimes we commit
in fits of passion
we shame
we are nothing we are nothing we are nothing we are nothing
but the dust on Your feet
dying to be born again
singing Ether Water Fire singing Earth Singing Air
I have seen
I have been
to places far and deep in my mind only to find
Comfort in Your strangeness
I have seen
I have been
to places far and deep in my mind
only to find
Comfort in Your strangeness

** one of my favorite songs since it came out in 2002/3

Heart in Hand (Vertical Horizon)

I know it’s been a long road
To get these towns behind me and I
Will gladly reap what we may sow I am
There for you and you’re there for me

Pictures and photographs
Memories and windows
Goodbyes and epitaphs
Heartbeats and hellos

[Chorus]
Are you waiting for
Heart in hand
Woman and man
See me where I stand I am
Heart
Heart in hand

These fields may hold a hunting ground
But the wolves are far behind me and I
Hear the howls and the distant sound
Of the messengers lost at sea

Into the morning light
Followed by madness
Reach through the empty fight
Searching through sadness

[Chorus]

I know it’s been a long road
To get these fears behind me and I
Will gladly reap what we may sow I am
There for you and you’re there for me

Pictures and photographs
Memories and windows
Goodbyes and epitaphs
Heartbeats and hellos

My temperament: a Guardian.

Guardians are the cornerstone of society, for they are the temperament given to serving and preserving our most important social institutions. Guardians have natural talent in managing goods and services–from supervision to maintenance and supply–and they use all their skills to keep things running smoothly in their families, communities, schools, churches, hospitals, and businesses.

Guardians can have a lot of fun with their friends, but they are quite serious about their duties and responsibilities. Guardians take pride in being dependable and trustworthy; if there’s a job to be done, they can be counted on to put their shoulder to the wheel. Guardians also believe in law and order, and sometimes worry that respect for authority, even a fundamental sense of right and wrong, is being lost. Perhaps this is why Guardians honor customs and traditions so strongly–they are familiar patterns that help bring stability to our modern, fast-paced world.

Practical and down-to-earth, Guardians believe in following the rules and cooperating with others. They are not very comfortable winging it or blazing new trails; working steadily within the system is the Guardian way, for in the long run loyalty, discipline, and teamwork get the job done right. Guardians are meticulous about schedules and have a sharp eye for proper procedures. They are cautious about change, even though they know that change can be healthy for an institution. Better to go slowly, they say, and look before you leap.

Guardians make up as much as 40 to 45 percent of the population.

*** i wrote this piece last year. not up to my writing standards but the subject is real and close to my heart. i’ve decided to become brave and share it with other people. JMM

Le Dance Macabre

Too long it feels, that I’ve been squeezed dry of any words, full of emotions, yet devoid of expression. Tears that bother but will not trickle down my face. Anger that builds but does not erupt. Sadness that depresses but will not prolong its visit. The journey has taken me on one of the most unstable rides ever, but I see no signs yet of slowing down in this life, or giving up.

On my player a song that is best played as the groom waits for his radiant and one and only bride at the altar plays over and over. It’s emotional suicide, but I’m doing it because I feel that eventually, listening to it will lessen my pain.

Le Dance Macabre

Where are you, love? Those who know me will have only one person in their minds. I, because I reckon I know myself better, are thinking of the one too many people who have used me up and packed their bags, never again to return to the emotional baggage counter they have left me to manage solo.

So many people ask themselves after a break up: What did I do to deserve this? You’ve done no wrong. It felt real good to love. It felt real. It felt like bliss cruising down a highway with the sun in your face and the wind in your hair, and your arm crossing his across the gears, hand palm face down on his right leg. It felt like satisfaction walking slowly across the floor, his arm around your waist and his lips in your hair. It felt right as your eyes talked to his. It felt final as you sank into his arms, burying your face into his shoulder, tired but content.

And so you never did anything but want to be with him.

Let me tell you this. Lovers are never the losers. Those that use and abuse and leave, are.

Love, where are you? Your masks are diverse. You carry many faces and I am as confused as they come.

One time, you were my best friend. Pretending to be the one and only companion in life, love meant you across the week, you in my family’s vocabulary, you at the top of my friends’ heads, you in my mind and under my skin. It meant too much, it was too overwhelming, and I became too dependent.

The next, you were rebellion. Succeeding to take my virginity and naivete, love meant confidence overload, you as the little devil that scratched away my conscience, you the hedonistic master, you in my mind but never, ever in my heart. It meant too little, became too abusive, in the light of way too many lessons worth avoiding.

On the next try, you were a pupil. Surprising me initially with your awe, a pupil and mentor relationship gone haywire, love suddenly meant turning the tables and evaporating into thin air, you as the star of search parties, you in my mind, in my duties but never too long in my heart. It meant too many broken promises, too many identity crises, too much U in YOU.

I’d have thought you’d have given up, but then you were the past in better packaging. Disguising yourself as spontaneity and nonchalance, love meant forgiveness in impulsive doses, a chest of too many new acquaintances, too many trips, too many photos, too much drama. Too much of being used up, you were supposed to remain my mind, in my heart, in all my soft spots but now you’re in my acid bed of tears, my physical pain, my lifelong checks and balances.

And now, you are illusion. Influencing me to succumb to my weaknesses, love meant everything I should never have now but should instead work hard for later, it meant bad vibrations, a jailhouse rock disc that would play, stop, and play. Too little of you physically, too little space for our lives to become intertwined, too much ambition, too much of a masquerade – you were in my mind, in my closet, underneath my eyelids on too quiet evenings but as illusion, you being in my heart still seems too much of a mirage.

Love, where are you? Your masks are diverse. You carry many faces and I am as confused as they come. At the next ball, where centerpieces are each a meter tall, and the candles are lit, I will arrive before the moon crosses the sun, before spirits are too high, and before feet start leaving the ground. I will glide across the floor in unaccompanied abandon, and there will be one whose mask hangs from his hand, the glitter on his palms, the ribbons wrapped loosely around his fingers.

Love, he IS there. The next ball will be unannounced, and the waltz will play at midnight. ###

032606 1:22 a.m.

Sunrays and Saturdays (Vertical Horizon)

Open the window
Let the sunset in
If only for the last time
Let me see you smile again

I’ll take my records
You can have your books
I’m sorry I never read them
But it says so much about us

Always trying
To make love out of care
The perfect recipe
But something wasn’t there

[Chorus:]
Sunrays and Saturdays
Perfect starry nights
Sweet dreams and moonbeams
And a love that’s warm and bright
Sunrays and Saturdays
Friendship strong and true
Oceans of blue and a room with a view
To live the life you choose

You’ll write me letters
I’ll call you on the phone
A wire away from touching
And never quite alone

We’ll get to know ourselves again
And we’ll heal our hearts
It’s not that we’re bad together
We’re just better off apart

Always trying
To have one and one make two
And even though it never worked
I still feel love for you

****

I Wish You Love (Rachel Yamagata)

I wish you bluebirds in the spring

To give your heart a song to sing

And then a kiss, but more than this

I wish you love

And in July a lemonade

To cool you in some leafy glade

I wish you health

And more than wealth

I wish you love

My breaking heart and I agree

That you and I could never be

So with my best

My very best

I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm

A cozy fire to keep you warm

But most of all when snowflakes fall

I wish you love

My breaking heart and I agree

That you and I could never be

So with my best

My very best

I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm

A cozy fire to keep you warm

But most of all when snowflakes fall

I wish you love

But most of all when snowflakes fall

I wish you love.

Speeding Cars (from the OC, by Imogen Heap)

Here’s the day you hoped would never come
Don’t feed me violence, just run with me
Through rows of speeding cars
The paper cuts, the cheating lovers
The coffee’s never strong enough
I know you think it’s more than just bad luck

There, there, baby
It’s just text book stuff
It’s in the ABC of growing up
Now, now, darlin’
Oh don’t lose your head
‘Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeah

Sleeping pills, no sleeping dogs lie never
Far enough away
Glistening in the cold sweat of guilt
I’ve watched you slowly winding down for years
You can’t keep on like this
Now is as bad of time as any

There, there, baby
It’s just text book stuff
It’s in the ABC of growing up
Now, now, darlin’
Oh don’t kill yourself
‘Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeah

It’s all okay by me
It’s all okay by me
It’s all okay by me
It was a long time ago

It’s all okay by me
It’s all okay by me
It’s all okay by me
It was a - long - time - ago

There, there, baby
It’s just text book stuff
It’s in the ABC of growing up
Now, now, darlin’
Oh don’t lose your head
‘Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeah

There, there, baby
It’s just text book stuff
It’s in the ABC of growing up
Now, now, darlin’
Oh don’t kill yourself
‘Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeah